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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26260936">Chef's knives and AI's</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkwell_Attitude/pseuds/Inkwell_Attitude'>Inkwell_Attitude</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Outer Worlds (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 thing, Anxiety time, Gen, give the captain a break, it's only rated teen for the cursing, listen y'all adjusting to new places is hard, mention of violence, she never meant to become the captain and boy howdy it shows, she's more of a mess than I intended but shhhhh it's fine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:16:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26260936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkwell_Attitude/pseuds/Inkwell_Attitude</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times the Captain doesn’t handle the future very well, and one time her crew calls her out on it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Chef's knives and AI's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The title is misleading, because chef's knives don't make any appearances within this fic. But the title is fun to say, so it's staying.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Captain of the Unreliable was a lot of things. Stubborn, hard-headed, bloodthirsty in a fight, gun-for-hire, and an impressive cook. Those who crossed her path went on their way spreading tales of their encounter with the strange, new face that showed up in the colony, buffing the rumors that were quickly accumulating of the crew of the Unreliable.</p>
<p>Sasha Avalee, aforementioned Captain of said spaceship, was also a lot of things. Stubborn, yes. Bloodthirsty, not exactly, though her frantic gunfire that only hit its target because of the sheer number of bullets being shot would give that illusion. Gun-for-hire, also yes, but only because she didn’t have the faintest idea of how else she would make bits in the strange colony she woke up in. </p>
<p>She <em>was</em> an impressive cook, and she took advantage of that skill every morning for her crew. Cooking kept her head on right, it was mindless work that gave her hands something to do while her brain worked furiously to sort out the day’s schedule. The routine was a nice one, a steady one the crew had slowly fallen into as they all grew used to living in the close quarters on the ship.</p>
<p>It had taken time to fall into that level of comfort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>1.</p>
<p>She was still getting used to the feeling of walking in the heavy boots of her armored uniform. The time in stasis may have passed quicker than a night’s rest, but her body never did adjust quickly to new terrain, and the gravity on Terra 2 was different to Earth’s. </p>
<p>The sound of Parvati walking along the grated facility floors behind her mixed with her own steps. Sasha could hear her making soft comments here and there about the machinery they passed by as the pair headed deeper into the building. Everything looked the same to her, but she made the odd sound of acknowledgement all the same. </p>
<p>She had been awake for less than two days, been tasked with helping save Halcyon from corrupt corporations, taken up the persona of one Alex Hawthorne, didn’t even know what year it was, and she was looking for a goddamn user manual about engineering to give to some lanky kid she had talked to for five minutes.</p>
<p>It took a minute for Sasha to realize that Parvati was speaking to her. “Um, Captain? I, I know it ain’t my place to be questioning your actions and all, but you do realize we’ve passed this hallway twice now, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Sasha took a closer glance around the room they were in before giving Parvati a blank look. She hadn’t realized that, of course, because why should the designers of futuristic buildings make simple, uncluttered designs that were easy to navigate for folk dragged into them against their will?</p>
<p>She cleared her throat. “Just making sure we’ve covered everything. A second look over to make sure we didn’t miss anything the first time, and all that.” She turned down another hallway and found herself looking down several floors of the generator room. </p>
<p>The two of them began their descent, hand over hand on the chipping paint of the ladders. </p>
<p>“Go away, demon!”</p>
<p>The cry came from below. Sasha paused in her climbing, heart hammering at the unexpected voice. Demons, now? There were <em>demons</em> in the future? What’s next, ghosts and cannibals?</p>
<p>An investigation uncovered a cowering man on the lowest floor of the facility, arms over his head in terror. Sasha had one hand hovering near her gun - she had never fired one on Earth and was apparently making up for lost time now - as she approached the man. </p>
<p>“Sir? Are you okay?”</p>
<p>His response was a horrified cry and to further curl in on himself, which was understandable if there were fucking demons at large. Sasha didn’t realize how tense she had gotten until Parvati laid a hand on her shoulder. </p>
<p>“Captain? You’re looking a might unsteady,” she said. “He’s yammering on about ghosts and demons, but there ain’t nothing here after you and I cleared out them mechanicals.”</p>
<p>“How can you know that? Maybe there are demons,” Sasha snapped. So many things were different now and for all she knew, demons <em>were</em> out prowling around in the future. Her stomach tightened, the rancid smell of the factory and the air of the planet only adding to her nausea.</p>
<p>Parvati’s hand jumped away. Confusion crossed her face. “Captain, we may have marauders and the like out roaming around, but there’s no such thing as ghosts. Reckon we’d be seeing a lot more of ‘em if there were, y’know?”</p>
<p>Sasha forced herself to take a breath and stretch her fingers out from where they had been inching towards her gun. Right. If ghosts weren’t real on Earth it wouldn’t make sense for them to be real out here, even with the weird science they had going on. </p>
<p>“Stupid,” she muttered under her breath. She ignored Parvati’s hesitant move to touch her shoulder again and turned back to the man. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>2.</p>
<p>Sasha would personally kiss every single engineer and scientist out there for the wonder that was autopilot. Hell, she would give Phineas a big smooch on the forehead if it meant she didn’t have to actually fly the Unreliable herself. She wanted to learn to fly a spaceship through asteroids with mechanics she was 70 years behind on just as much as she wanted to get a root canal with no anaesthesia. That is: not at all.</p>
<p>Coordinates put in for Monarch, captain’s seat filled with the Captain, and they were disembarking from the Groundbreaker. It was smooth sailing from here on out.</p>
<p>She had just relaxed into the seat when a shudder suddenly ran through the ship and the lights around Sasha flickered. When they stabilized once more, ADA’s screen was fuzzy and blank.</p>
<p>Sasha had the sudden urge to strangle every engineer that decided that spacecraft was something worth developing.</p>
<p>Small tremors still ran through the floors, so the engines were still going, though they felt weaker than before. Everything other than ADA’s screen was lit up, so Sasha assumed that they weren’t going to suddenly be blown apart by a faulty gas line or some malfunctioning piece of machinery.</p>
<p>That didn’t mean that she didn’t storm into the engine room to find Parvati. “What happened?” she asked shortly. Parvati straightened up from where she had been crouching. </p>
<p>“I-I don’t know, Captain! Nothing here is faulty, I checked it right before we left the Groundbreaker. She’s an old ship, but she’s sturdy enough to hold up.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate that you can tell that we’re not falling apart at the seams. Why isn’t ADA flying this thing?”</p>
<p>“Glad to know that our AI system is down and that that tremor wasn’t simply your atrocious flying, Captain. Really does reassure me that we aren’t about to face imminent death,” Max’s cool voice carried across the engine room as Sasha and Parvati turned to watch him enter. </p>
<p>“I’d reckon the Captain’s a swell pilot! ‘Else we won’t be going anywhere in a rush, seeing as I gotta get ADA back up and running. Working with the talky systems can’t be that hard, can it?”</p>
<p>The drop in Sasha’s stomach had nothing to do with the tremor that suddenly ran through the ship. Fly the ship? How the fuck was she supposed to do that? She had been a sous chef back on Earth, not even thinking about travelling abroad, let alone through space. </p>
<p>Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice Parvati dart off towards the engines. Max regarded her with feigned indifference. “Captain, if I didn’t know better, I would say you look queasy at the idea of manual flight. I trust you <em>do</em> know how to handle your ship?”</p>
<p>“You think I know how to-” She bit back the rest of her sentence. She was the captain, she had to keep a level head even if her body rioted against the idea of staying calm. “Of course I can fly my ship, Vicar, who do you take me for?” She most definitely didn’t know how to fly the ship, but he didn’t need to know that.</p>
<p>This exchange was how the pair found themselves standing in front of ADA’s blank screen in the bridge, Max watching bemusedly and Sasha desperately trying to hide how lost she was in front of the many, <em>many</em> buttons and switches in front of her. </p>
<p>She flipped one and felt cool air begin to blow out of the vents around her. Another switch brought the captain’s chair up behind her legs, forcing her to sit down with a thump.</p>
<p>Okay. It’s no different from a car, right? Just… more elaborate. Gas still meant go, brake still meant stop. It’s not as if the future decided to swap the two around. </p>
<p>Slowly, slowly, the Unreliable crawled forward with jolting bursts of energy from the engines. After several minutes of moving at a pace similar to a baby just learning to crawl, Max spoke up.</p>
<p>“While I lack the technical know-how to fly a ship, I expected you of all people to have some form of confidence in the practice. You fly this thing like a baby raptidon with a plasma-blasted leg.”</p>
<p>“If you’re so smug about it, why don’t you fly this damn thing?” She muttered. Another hesitant push on the gas, another snail’s crawl forward. Perfect. This was fine, she was getting the hang of it. Flying wasn’t that bad, actually. She could do this, she could<em>ohmygod that’s an asteroid.</em></p>
<p>Max’s hands fell upon the back of her chair as she hit the brakes, grinding the ship to a halt as the asteroid spun lazily in the distance past the viewport. She could almost feel the Vicar’s frustration as a palpable entity behind her.</p>
<p>“At this rate it is more likely that the Board will find the Hope before we make it to Monarch, Captain. Is it too much to ask for you to nudge us along with a bit more urgency?”</p>
<p>“What's the rush, Vicar?” Sasha replied faintly. Her heart hammered in her chest, the mention of the Hope sending her pulse racing.</p>
<p>It was going to be a long flight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3.</p>
<p>It was a raptidon this time. Marauders, at least, had to take the time to aim their blasters or pull back to swing their weapons and you could take advantage of the pause to get to your feet, to defend yourself, to swing back.</p>
<p>Raptidons, though. Raptidons would sink teeth and claws into your body and tear with an animalistic fervor until you went limp. Lulls in a fight were few and far between and every encounter had Sasha wondering if it would be her last. </p>
<p>This time it wasn’t her. This time it was Nyoka, beautiful and strong and a <em>reckless, insufferable idiot</em> in battle. Sasha didn’t see the raptidon bounding behind her, too busy fighting with her complex, multi-faceted gun she hadn’t figured out yet. She didn’t see it leap at her back as she struggled with the clip for her weapon. She didn’t see Nyoka tackle the beast out of the way, hitting the ground in a tangle of limbs. </p>
<p>She heard her scream, though. Sasha whirled around and saw blood, and teeth, and Nyoka struggling beneath the muscled creature, face twisted in battle-hardened fury. </p>
<p>Her body moved, hands grabbing for her bat and arms aching with the impact into the creature’s shoulder. Nyoka was yelling, or maybe Sasha was, and then Felix was there, drop-kicking the raptidon with enough force to send it stumbling backwards and into the ground. He popped up with a cheeky grin.</p>
<p>“Didja see that, boss?”</p>
<p>Sasha couldn’t answer. She saw blood pooling on the ground and around her knees as she dropped beside Nyoka, hands hovering uselessly over the woman’s ragged arm. Her eyes were misty and she swiped away the threatening tears. </p>
<p>“Are you- your arm, it’s- you- you <em>absolute lunatic what the fuck were you doing?</em>” There was <em>so much blood.</em> Nyoka could bleed out right here because Sasha was stupid enough to think she could take on this wild and predatory planet and come out alive. She was an idiot to think she could just protect people, why did she ever think that she could do this? She was just going to get her crew killed. Stupid. Useless.</p>
<p>Still on the ground, Nyoka’s face was twisted as she surveyed her arm. As the woman looked from her arm to Sasha, she saw that her face wasn’t pained. It look… Confused? She should be crying out in pain, her arm was, was…</p>
<p>Not actually bleeding as profusely as she had thought. Sasha gulped air as Nyoka sat up beside her. “Watch the waterworks, lady. Misty eyes just mean you can’t shoot straight when you get ambushed.” Nyoka laughed. “You didn’t think I was dying, did ya? It’ll take more than a fucking raptidon to take this hunter down.”</p>
<p>Sasha stared at her. Laughing. She was laughing?! She just took a metaphorical bullet for Sasha and laughed it off like it was a daily occurrence. </p>
<p>She stood up, fists clenched. “Is this a joke to you? This, this place?” Her arms waved to the surrounding rock they stood on. Felix took a hesitant step back from her flailing. “<em>Everything</em> here wants to kill us, and you’re laughing? What the fuck? It’s my responsibility to keep you people safe and alive, and you just-” she broke off as Nyoka stood up beside her, one hand pressed to her arm. Her eyes were hard. </p>
<p>“Of course it’s a fucking joke. I think it’s hilarious that we thought we could live here, on this damned rock that tries harder every day to clear us out. And according to my memory, <em>you</em> hired <em>me</em> to help you out here, so yeah, if that means saving your ass from becoming raptidon dinner, I’ll damned well do that.”</p>
<p>“Hey now,” Felix said weakly, hands raised in a <em>calm down</em> gesture. “This is just post-battle adrenaline, right guys? We should be celebrating, not-”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Felix!” Sasha interrupted. Part of her felt a pang of guilt as he flinched, but it was quickly smothered by the anger and anxiety swirling through her. “How am I supposed to save everyone if I can’t even keep two people from getting hurt?”</p>
<p>“What the fuck kind of savior complex is that?” Was Nyoka’s response. The two of them glared at each other, Felix standing wordlessly behind them. </p>
<p>Sasha tsk’d and turned away. “C’mon, we need to get moving.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>4.</p>
<p>The lock really wasn’t all that hard to pick. Felix whistled, low and soft, as Sasha drew her hands back with the mag-pick. </p>
<p>“You got some good tricks up your sleeve, huh boss?”</p>
<p>Sasha shot him a grin over her shoulder as she pushed the door open. One step into the room and the smile froze on her face. Felix choked behind her.</p>
<p>The walls and floor were stained red, the smell of blood almost potent in the still air. A corpse laid on the cot against the far wall, headless with one arm carelessly hacked off. A dagger stood upright where it was embedded in its leg. </p>
<p>Her mind immediately went to the family a floor below them, cheerily cooking the dinner they had eagerly offered when Sasha had knocked on their door, and a wave of nausea rolled through her throat. She pressed a fist tight to her lips.</p>
<p>“Holy shit,” Felix’s eyes were wide. “Is that the guy we’re looking for?"</p>
<p>A quick pat-down had Sasha holding up an employee card, the name <em>Braxton Hecht </em>stamped boldly across it. </p>
<p>Her stomach rolled. There were cannibals, now? As if the raptidons and the marauders and the corruption in the corporations weren’t enough, the future had cannibals? People were hungry enough, desperate enough to resort to this? </p>
<p>“What is going on?” She whispered. The card was clutched between her fingers, digging into her skin. “What happened?”</p>
<p>Felix rubbed the back of his head. “S’pose they just had enough of living like everyone else. Can’t say I blame ‘em, but this is something I didn’t think I’d ever see.”</p>
<p>“People are <em>eating</em> each other? They’re, they’re…” She couldn’t find the words to explain her horror, her dawning realization of just how bad things had actually gotten.</p>
<p>Felix hissed out a quiet “oh, shit” as the two of them heard a pair of feet ascending the stairs. Sasha quickly slid the ID card into a pocket and jogged over to the door, making quick work of the lock and sliding the open with a low whoosh. </p>
<p>The hot, muggy air of Monarch did nothing to quell the smell of blood as the pair slipped out of the house.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>5.</p>
<p>The headache she woke up with was the first sign that something was wrong. She rolled out of bed and popped a caffenoid pill, telling herself that she just slept poorly the night before and that it was nothing to worry about.</p>
<p>As she got dressed, a crash came from the floor above her, and the faint voices of Ellie and Max bickering carried down to her. She pinched the bridge of her nose and went to break them up, her headache slowly growing worse. </p>
<p>By the end of the day, her entire body ached. She felt like a raptidon had eaten her whole before throwing itself off a steep cliff; grimy and tender and ragged. Her concern at being sick opened the door to her mind and made itself at home, nagging at her every move. </p>
<p>What if some strain of illness had laid dormant in her while she was in stasis, and it was only showing itself now? Would what passed for medicine in Halcyon even be able to combat it?</p>
<p>What if she picked up something alien to her in one of the run-down abandoned towns the crew consistently passed through? Something her immune system wasn’t equipped to fight off? </p>
<p>She thought that when she died, it would at least be doing something worthwhile. Or at least it would look cool. Sword in hand, maybe, fighting till her last breath. Instead, she was slouched over the table in her cabin on the Unreliable, breathing heavily as her trembling fingers slipped and slid among the small parts of the disassembled shotgun in front of her. </p>
<p>The <em>ting</em> of a screw hitting the floor echoed through the room and Sasha mumbled out a curse as she crouched down to look for it. Squinting, she reached her arm under the workbench, nudging the screw closer to her.</p>
<p>“Now that’s a stretch I’ve never seen before, but I must admit, you got good form, Captain.”</p>
<p>Sasha wasn’t startled. Not at all. She totally knew that Ellie had walked up behind her. The fact that her body had jumped was just, uh, survival instinct. Gotta have quick reactions if you’re to survive the Monarch wilds. </p>
<p>The new bruise on her head from where it had collided with the table told a different story.</p>
<p>“Goddamnit, Ellie, could you be any quieter when you walk around the ship? How did you get in here?”</p>
<p>“I probably could, but I wouldn’t want to startle you or anything. And ADA let me in. Something about the life forms on the ship and how you might be a threat to our wellbeing. Didn’t know what she meant until now.”</p>
<p>She stood with one hand on her hip, looking down as the Captain nursed her now raging headache. Fucking ADA. Sasha knew that the AI system had a tendency for exaggeration, but if she was concerned about the rest of the crew then Sasha must really have something bad. Something serious enough to warrant her AI to inform Ellie without consulting her. </p>
<p>She must have been quiet for too long, because Ellie chuckled humorlessly. “Hiding yourself away in here isn’t going to stop me from noticing that you’re functioning no better than a drunkard who’s had one too many. My job as a medic is to take care of the members of this ship; that includes you, Captain.”</p>
<p>The hand Ellie extended swayed in front of Sasha. She swallowed through her dry throat (when did she last have water?) and ignored the offering, using the stool to support herself as she got to her feet.</p>
<p>Despite standing upright, the room around her remained tilted at an odd angle. A hot flash coursed through her body. She reached out to plant a hand on the table before she realized that Ellie already had her hands firmly grasping the Captain’s arms. </p>
<p>“I know you got the whole stoic, tough captain persona to keep, but passing out because you won’t let me do my goddamn job is showing a really bad example.”</p>
<p>She had barely finished speaking when Sasha pulled herself free, taking several steps back and covering her mouth. “Don’t touch me, I don’t know what I have.”</p>
<p>Ellie rolled her eyes. “Uh, yeah, genius, that’s why I’m here. That’s kind of my whole deal?”</p>
<p>Sasha shook her head. If Ellie got sick, if any of her crew fell ill because of her, she would never forgive herself. “You can’t catch it. I don’t want to spread it.”</p>
<p>“Again: doctor over here? Hello? I’ve been around enough sick people that I’m probably immune to just about anything the galaxy could throw at me.”</p>
<p>
  <em>How about a strain of an illness 70 years gone that’s only resurfacing because my idiotic body carried it in stasis all those years and didn’t even have the common sense to make sure I wasn’t exposing people to it before waltzing around the planets like I own them?</em>
</p>
<p>Either the room was closing in, or her chest was, but whatever was happening it was getting harder to breathe. Law, she really was dying, wasn’t she? She pressed her hand more firmly over her mouth. “You’re an idiot.”</p>
<p>Ellie’s eyebrows shot upwards. “Excuse me? Me? <em>I’m</em> the idiot? The graduated with honors kid, the surgeon, the kickass space pirate, me? The idiot? Captain, please excuse my French when I say that you’re currently the one throwing shit at me for trying to do what you hired me for.”</p>
<p>“Get out of my room.”</p>
<p>“Fine! Act like a child for all I care. I’m sure there’s someone else out there who will actually appreciate my efforts to be a decent fucking human being.”</p>
<p>“Now!” She snapped, which would have been a lot harsher had she not devolved into a coughing fit as soon as her mouth opened. Ellie stood there for a moment longer, face angry and hard and hands curling and uncurling at her sides before she whirled around and stormed out of the room. Before the doors slid closed Sasha could hear her telling ADA to inform her if the Captain’s condition got worse.</p>
<p>She was alone again. Blissfully, agonizingly alone. Her coughing fit slowly died down, leaving her throat raw and desperate for water. She stood for a moment longer, looking out the window at the stars and the planets rotating in their slow orbits. She didn’t want to have to think about what would happen if the crew fell ill, and so would do everything in her power to avoid spreading the contamination. If isolating in her quarters was what she needed to do, then she’d damned well do that.</p>
<p>The coolness of the table and stool gave little relief to her fever, but she sat down anyway and forced her hands to pick up where they left off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+1</p>
<p>The Captain cooked breakfast. The routine hadn’t been planned, exactly, but seeing as Felix, Nyoka, and Ellie seemed determined to sleep in as long as they could each morning, Sasha had to find some way to encourage them to not sleep the days away. Parvati got up at a reasonable hour, but as her hands were more often than not stained with grease and oil, she tended to avoid spreading it to the food stores. Max was usually up at the same hour as the Captain, but he tended to keep to his room or sit silently at the table, nose buried in a book. </p>
<p>So, breakfast. Their options were limited, but it wasn’t too hard to keep a consistent stock of eggs and pre-sliced bread with jars of nut butter and jelly around. She had cooked breakfast for the crew enough times now that it was almost mindless work to crack and beat the eggs, to toast the bread and lay out the plates and cutlery at everyone’s seats. </p>
<p>The snap of cooking eggs (and bacon, something that Sasha had procured from Gladys a few days prior. A special request, and a pricey one at that) gradually roused everyone from their bunks. Parvati was the first to emerge, carrying a small mechanical device in her hands that she continued to tinker with as she took her spot at the table. She gave a sleepy “G’morning, Captain. Vicar,” to the two already present.</p>
<p>“Morning, Parvati. Been up for a while?” Sasha asked. They were running low on butter. She made a mental note to pick up some more the next time they were on the Groundbreaker. </p>
<p>Parvati hummed in response, rambling on about her most recent project. Some device that would improve the quality of the video transmissions, or something. Sasha couldn’t really follow Parvati much when she broke out the mechanical jargon, but she nodded along and hummed here and there to show that she was listening. </p>
<p>Eggs, butter, the smell of bacon. What she would give for a handful of fresh herbs. She could do wonders with only a handful of ingredients back on Earth. The exploration of finding the right amounts, what worked together and what would turn people away, the utter delight at taking a bite and knowing down to your bones that the time spent preparing a dish was worth it ten times over. </p>
<p>An exaggerated yawn announced Ellie’s presence. Nyoka and Felix followed soon after, all but leaning on each other as the fight between sleep and the promise of breakfast stirred within them. </p>
<p>Maybe Sasha woke them a bit earlier than she had to, but if she was up and working, she didn’t see why the others couldn’t be, too.</p>
<p>Parvati’s eyes lit up as Felix took a seat next to her. “Oh, Felix! I stayed up all last night finishing Junlei’s character for the Systems and Serfdom game you were talking about. I think she’s just the cutest thing and I hope she likes it. I do appreciate you lending me that book of yours.”</p>
<p>Felix perked up at that. “Yeah? What character did you settle on? The stats and everything can be a bit confusing.”</p>
<p>Their chatter filled the room and Sasha’s mind wandered. Systems and Serfdom. She was glad games like it were still around, even if they weren’t as prominent as they were when she was on Earth. Law, she hadn’t thought about her old game crew in, well, 70-odd years. </p>
<p>Did they keep the games going after she had left? They’d better have, she’d made them promise to keep the legacy of her own character, a vagabond warrior named Andromeda, alive. She chuckled. She’d spent so many nights roleplaying a character that would’ve fit like a puzzle piece into her life now, and now look at her. Captaining a dead man’s ship, jumping from planet to planet like it was nothing, cooking breakfast for a crew that looked to her like she was important, like she was someone other than the confused survivor unfrozen by a raving scientist, like-</p>
<p>“Do you smell that?”</p>
<p>Like she was burning the eggs.</p>
<p>She startled out of her thoughts, simultaneously grabbing at the pan and the knobs on the stove to turn the heat off. One hand reached its target; one hand wrapped around the handle low enough for heat to singe her skin.</p>
<p>A string of curses danced merrily out of her mouth as the pan - and their breakfast, that bacon had been expensive! - clattered to the floor. Chairs scraped backwards as several of the crew stood up, everyone awake now that Sasha had fucked up, damnit, of course <em>now</em> they paid attention. </p>
<p>Parvati gasped. “Captain! Your hand!”</p>
<p>Sasha scowled through the burning pain decorating her palm. “It’s fine,” she snapped. Pain was temporary, she had been burned before. It hurt like a bastard, though.</p>
<p>Ellie swiped the small medkit kept in the kitchen for emergencies and approached the Captain. “‘S a nasty burn there, Cap. You gonna let me treat it, or what?”</p>
<p>“I said it’s fine,” she repeated, staring down at the ruined eggs. To her horror, she could feel her eyes threaten tears, and she blinked hard. She just wanted to make eggs. She had to just … make eggs, and it would be fine. Everyone would sit down and they would eat the food she made herself because dammit, she was an adult who didn’t need someone to hold her hand through unknown territory. Cooking was cooking, food was food, and they would never change, even if the ingredients came from strange new planets.</p>
<p>Ellie was still standing there. Everyone was still standing there and they weren’t sitting down and Sasha reached for the pan with teeth clenched tight. She would not cry over spilled eggs. She would not cry. She would not-</p>
<p>“I’ve had just about enough of this.”</p>
<p>Her head snapped up to meet Ellie’s glower. Her lips parted. “Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“You heard what I said. You walk around like you’re some big shot, pretending like we don’t notice when you have no clue what’s going on. You’re not very subtle, Captain, and we’re not idiots.”</p>
<p>Max’s eyes slid briefly to Felix. “Not all of us, at least.”</p>
<p>Felix wasn’t an idiot, she wanted to say. Gullible and idealistic, sure. She should defend him, like any decent person should, but her throat was tight and she couldn’t bring herself to look back at the crew. She placed the pan back on the stove. She just had to make eggs. The fridge was on the other side of the room, behind the table where Parvati, Felix, and Max stood, behind Ellie who stood with her hands on her hips.</p>
<p>Ellie was still speaking. “So, you either give me that hand so I can bandage it and start telling us the truth, or I forcibly take that hand, bandage it, and this ship never sees my beautiful face again.”</p>
<p>Nyoka sat back down and crossed her arms. She leveled her gaze at Sasha. “Yeah, not to get all up in your business, lady, but you don’t exactly scream “vagabond captain” all that much. First thing I noticed ‘bout you when you first introduced yourself.”</p>
<p>They were going to leave. She’d been an idiot to think that she could play this role. Just snap her fingers and become everything Alex Hawthorne used to be. Charming. Determined. Strong. Alex had been someone, and Sasha…</p>
<p>Sasha didn’t even know who she was. </p>
<p>“Hey, give the Boss a break, it’s not like any of us are good at everything we do,” Felix said. Max took a deep breath as he sat back down. </p>
<p>“I believe what Ellie and Nyoka are implying is not that our Captain has some faults to go along with her skillset, but rather that her skillset is rather unorthodox for a Captain of a ship. I had my own curiosity after your attempt at piloting the Unreliable several weeks back, though I did not see the benefit of questioning you further about it.”</p>
<p>Ellie started ticking off her fingers. “You’re the Captain of a ship, but you apparently lack the basic know-how of piloting said ship. You don’t have any idea of how things work in town unless someone explains it to you. You apparently didn’t know anything about any of the corporations before all this. Are you even Alex Hawthorne?” She squinted her eyes, “because I heard some folk talking at the Last Hope that really made it sound like Captain Alex Hawthorne is dead.”</p>
<p>“I-” She swallowed as the first tear fell from her eyes. She was quick to wipe it away, but the motion did not go unnoticed. </p>
<p>“Captain?” Parvati said quietly. “Y’know that we all appreciate you taking us on as your crew. If something’s the matter, or you have something that you’re dealing with, you don’t gotta go at it all on your lonesome.”</p>
<p>Her face was so <em>kind.</em> Sasha didn’t want to see how Parvati would look at her if she knew the truth. If she knew that Sasha had been lying through her teeth the moment she stepped onto the Unreliable.</p>
<p>She was so tired of the facade. </p>
<p>“Boss?” When had Felix come over? The weight of his hand on her shoulder was a comfort she didn’t want to shrug off. “Parvati’s right. Just ‘cause you call the shots around here doesn’t mean we can’t help you call them.”</p>
<p>Nyoka piped up. “Being the only one who can call the shots is kind of the whole point of being the Captain, Felix.”</p>
<p>“You know what I meant!”</p>
<p>Sasha wiped at her eyes again, laughing humorlessly. “I’m not even qualified to be working on a ship like this, let alone be called the Captain.” If this was it, this was it. She’d played her role and played it poorly. “My name isn’t Alex Hawthorne. Alex Hawthorne was killed by my escape pod when I first landed on Terra 2. Before that, I was, <em>am,</em> one of the colonists from the Hope.”</p>
<p>The silence following her statement was interrupted by the toaster’s <em>ding</em> as it finished. Then:</p>
<p>“Captain! You killed him?”</p>
<p>“You <em>squashed</em> him?”</p>
<p>“You’re from the Hope?”</p>
<p>“I knew something was up-”</p>
<p>“Law, wish I could’ve been there-”</p>
<p>Sasha let them quiet down before explaining. Yes, she was one of the Hope’s cryogenically frozen colonists. No, she didn’t <em>squash</em> Hawthorne (on purpose.) She detailed her experience from waking up to Phineas’s prattling face, brain foggy and confused, up to the point when she’d first met Parvati.</p>
<p>“Then,” Parvati asked after Sasha had finished, “who are you?”</p>
<p>She was Sasha Avalee, ex sous chef who only made it onto the Hope because her executive chef had been chosen and wanted her to be on their team in the colony. Who cried at serial dramas and got lost in her thoughts far too often and made a damn good crème Brule. </p>
<p>She was Alex Hawthorne, vagabond captain just trying to do the right thing, navigating through space and society alike. Who fought against the corrupt and the dangerous and tried to leave a place better than she found it.</p>
<p>“You’re our Captain.” Sasha blinked as Ellie spoke up. The sawbones stood with her hip cocked and eyes staring at her. “You may be a piss-poor liar, but you still managed to survive long enough to get this sorry crew together and doing something worthwhile. Haven’t gotten us killed yet,” She sniffed. “I’d say that merits the Captain title, just a little bit.”</p>
<p>Nyoka banged a fist on the table. “Having to save your ass down planetside keeps me on my toes. Keeps those reflexes sharp. That’s an exercise I’ll gladly take on anytime you’ll have me.”</p>
<p>Max took a sip of his coffee. “None of us are without our secrets. The significance of one is relative to its keeper. Whether we indulge in them or not is our own decision to make.” </p>
<p>Sasha stood there, dumbfounded as Felix and Parvati joined Max and Nyoka back at the table, the pair smiling at her as they sat down. She’d tried so hard to hide her uncertainty, to smother the truth whenever it reared its ugly head, and it had brought her… here.</p>
<p>“You’re not… upset? But I lied! To all of you, about everything. I didn’t even tell you my real name.”</p>
<p>Felix scratched the back of his head. “I don’t think that’s much of a big deal, if you ask me. I only ever called you boss, Boss.”</p>
<p>Sasha had to laugh at that. He had a point, but it didn’t clear much of the guilt from her mind.</p>
<p>Ellie saw her look and scoffed. “You’re an open book, Captain. Don’t think you’re getting off the hook that easily. Next time we’re at Groundbreaker, the tab’s on you.” She reached out a hand. “Now, give me that hand so you can get back to making breakfast, and then all of us can get back to being ass-kicking pirates.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me @ my own character: wait but is this OOC?<br/>Critiques and constructive criticism are welcome! Character voice is a weak spot for me, so I'm open to any suggestions anyone might have on how I can improve ^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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